I was born into a Christian home. I grew up hearing all the Bible stories and, of course, believing them. My parents said they were true.
As a kid, I was selfish beyond belief. Everything had to be perfect and if something didn’t work out the way I wanted it to, I would get angry. I wasn’t very loving to my siblings because I didn’t think it was “cool” or “mature” to spend time with them. Absolutely every facet of my life had to do with making myself happy. And, believe it or not, that actually resulted in a lot of unhappiness.
I can’t point to the date on a calendar marking my salvation. It was more of a gradual thing (and I struggled with whether that meant I was saved for a long time). I had always heard the stories and I always believed them. But I didn’t own my faith until I joined a ministry that put a huge emphasis on discipleship, around the time I was ten or eleven years old.
All of a sudden, I was being encouraged to do something called “devotions” and to look at my life and try to become more Christ-like – to really commit myself to Him. I had more accountability than I wanted for a long time. It made me uncomfortable until I started purposefully investing in my relationship with God.
I thought I had pretty good faith, you know, as far as faith goes. I wasn’t an Abraham and I wasn’t Corrie ten Boom, but I was alright. The thing is, as soon as you start thinking like that, God tends to let you know exactly where you are faith-wise.
Our family does foster care and we got a tiny baby girl when I was eleven years old. We kept her for the first four months of her life and then had to give her up. She had become a sister to us and we all cried when she left.
I was also angry. I didn’t see how God could possibly think that it was okay to give her to another family. Our family was an amazing place for her to be and it would be good for her to grow up with us.
A few months later, we got a phone call from her grandparents, asking if we wanted to come see her. We went to their home and visited our sister. After a while, we got to see her again. Then we started babysitting her for a bit. Soon, she was living with us again.
It wasn’t until I looked back that I saw God’s providence in the whole situation. His plan was good, even when I was angry with Him for what He had done. I didn’t have faith in Him and His work. But He taught me that He knows what He’s doing, even when I don’t want to think so.
My faith is still growing. I catch myself doubting all the time, not wanting to step out of my comfort zone or be content that everything is worked out for good. Fortunately, God isn’t giving up on me. And I am grateful for that. I pray that He would be glorified in my life and that I would continue to become more like Him.
This isn’t my full testimony, but it’s a good part of it. One of my favorites, in fact. To get the rest of it, you need simply read past blog posts. They document what God is teaching me and how He is growing me throughout the weeks, months, and years.
Thank you, Lord, for my testimony!
All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing,
and he does according to his will among the host of heaven
and among the inhabitants of the earth;
and none can stay his hand
or say to him, “What have you done?”