Friendship

Share Your Suffering

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Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

We all lose people, but that doesn’t make it any easier. We all go through changes that feel devastating and hurt deeply. We all feel pain regularly, whether we show it or not.

This year has been a hard year for me, in more ways than one. I lost two people personally, one to suicide. Two of my siblings from foster care moved away after more than a year with us. So many people around me lost people as well and I saw their pain. Little things have been adding stress to my day to day life, even though most of them are good. I’m getting ready to leave for college next year. I was a counselor in training at a camp for four weeks this summer. I was moved to a position of leadership in a discipleship team. All good things, but for some reason, very hard.

I have struggled with my feelings through all of this. (Yes, this is going to be a post about feelings – but I think it’s important to talk about) When leaving for college feels overwhelming, I think I’m doing something wrong. Surely I should be excited about such a big step! When I don’t want to go to work, I think that I’m feeling the wrong thing: there’s no reason to be frustrated, I’ve got to earn money somehow. When I lost someone to suicide, I didn’t think it should hurt as much as it did. Other people were closer to him.

Through this year, I have learned an important lesson: This world is wrong. And it’s okay to feel that.

When Adam and Eve fell in the Garden of Eden, sin entered the world, bringing with it death and pain. Those things have not left since then. They’re still here. We’re surrounded by the results of the fall every day of our lives and sometimes it makes us cry. Sometimes we long for Heaven not because we want to see God, but because we want to escape the pain. I know. I’ve felt that this year more than ever.

But then we might think that we need to be stronger than this. We’re supposed to have a hope within us, right? We’re supposed to lean on God and He will take care of our anxieties. He will give us strength to overcome the hurt and the struggles.

It’s easy to fall into thinking that we aren’t supposed to feel this much pain, for some reason or another. Maybe we need to put on a good face to the other believers around us. Maybe we think the tears hurt our witness that God is stronger than sin. Whatever the reason, it’s not true.

Have you ever seen someone try to cover up their pain? You hurt for them and you want to tell them that it’s okay, they can feel these things. Well, it’s time for us to tell ourselves that too. We don’t need to be stronger than the tears and the hurt. It’s not healthy to try to fight through on our own. It is healthy to share the pain.

When we pour out our hearts to our brothers and sisters in Christ, we feel better. Maybe not right away, but we have shared our burden, as the church is called to do. They may not have answers for us – in fact, they often don’t. We don’t understand why we’re allowed to suffer so much. But they can grieve with us and point us to Christ. And that’s what we need. We don’t need someone to say that it’ll all work out in the end and tell us to pull ourselves up by our boot straps. We need a fellow human to share our hurt and just be with us, knowing that we struggle and don’t understand, but staying anyway.

It’s not always easy to share what hurts so much with the people around us. Especially when we want to keep up appearances. I plastered on a “sad smile” when I told people about my friend’s death. A few times, that fake strength gave way to real tears and real questioning, and my family in Christ did not seem to mind. They prayed for me and encouraged me. They cried with me. It turned out that even though it hurt, many of them wanted to share my burden.

So please don’t bury your pain. This world is wrong, we all know. And we’re here to both rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15). There is a better world coming. I know we can’t always see it or feel the joy that we think we’re supposed to exude as believers. And that’s okay. Keep suffering, friend. The church is here for you.

Kira

My Sister

Today, I decided that I felt like writing a sappy/sentimental post. I don’t usually write like this and it took at least three false starts. So buckle up. 🙂

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There is someone in my life who I treasure like no one else. She has been with me for longer than I can remember and we have shared some of the most joyful, exciting, painful, and infuriating moments of our lives with one another. When we are separated, it hurts to have no one to laugh over inside jokes with or to listen to me complain for the eight hundredth time about drama at work.

She is my sister.

My sister is a beautiful girl. She is kind and sweet and she puts other people before herself. She always wants her friends to be happy and keeps them from pain if she at all can.

We’ve grown up beside one another, learning and laughing and, occasionally, yelling. We’ve literally “done life” together for the past sixteen years. She knows my ugly side and she loves me anyway. We’ve both changed and become stronger both by ourselves and as a team.

My sister has the voice/hands/ears/heart of a musician. She improves in playing the guitar every day, pouring herself into the music and working through the frustrating chords and strumming patterns. She leads worship by example, devoted to her Lord and happy to sing to Him.

She is also an artist, crafting pictures and coming up with creative gifts for those she loves. She doesn’t paint very often any more, but her journal pages hold more sketches than notes, all of them cute, intricate, weird, or some combination of the three.

In addition to growing up physically these past years, I have seen my sister grow spiritually in ways that make me so proud of her. She devotes part of her morning, first thing, to spending time in the Word and praying. She is one of the first to offer to do things others don’t want to do. She loves spending time with people and getting to know them and showing them the love that she knows so well.

My sister is one of a kind. She dyes her hair blue if she feels like it. She builds forts with little kids out of any spare pillows and blankets found lying around. She crosses her eyes and sticks out her tongue when she thinks I’ve said something ridiculous. She wears BDUs one day and frilly tank tops the next.

I love my sister. I am so blessed to have her – to live in the same room as my best friend. I pray that we will always be so close.

Kira

Who in your life is special to you?
What makes them so dear?

What Makes a Good Friend?

I was blessed to be published on theRebelution today 🙂 Unfortunately, I don’t have the direct link for you because I have to set up this post very early in the morning before going out of town. As soon as I can, I’ll switch it out for the right link.

10/9/17 – I’ve corrected the title and link at the bottom of the post. It will now take you directly to the article.


How would you define a good friend?

I would say that a good friend is one who is loving and patient and kind. It’s someone who listens when I talk and remembers what I said. A good friend encourages me randomly through the week, prays for me, and forgives me when I mess up. This person smiles and talks about God with me. A good friend can tell when I’m upset or hurting or just plain tired.

Proverbs overflows with guidance on discerning between good and bad friends.

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24

“Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man.” – Proverbs 22:24

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” – Proverbs 27:6


You can read the rest of this article on TheRebleution.

Kira